4:30 a.m., and I am watching the end of the first season of Ugly Betty
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Tonight my neck is crazy sore, I have a fever, some chest pain breathing (like after you have coughed a lot) and for the first time it is painful to swallow (it has been hard to swallow, but no pain until tonight). Maybe the second day after a biopsy is worse than the first? I tried taking some ibuprofen but the pills are too big…k done whining now…4:00 a.m. is whining hour didn’t you know? Set your alarm clocks for tomorrow morning 4:00 a.m. sharp! I'll be up at work, feel free to call me and whine... :)
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I am waiting for 7:00 a.m. so I can leave work and get to the hospital for the CT scan and chest X-Ray…my biggest concern right now is if they are going to make me wear a hospital gown because, in all seriousness, that is something that would make me not go thru with it.
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I told mom not to come but I am secretly (as secret as you can be on a blog) glad she is coming. A 28 year old still needs her mommy. If one of our friends is still in the hospital in the morning we are going to visit her after.
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The only problem I can see, is that I have to wait…at least the weekend (probably more) to find anything out. So here I am sitting here waiting to wait…BLAH!
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Yesterday, I woke up and found mom visiting with someone in the living room. She is the mom of one of my oldest and best friends and had stopped by to see me and pray with us. Mom told me that earlier in the evening the hospital had called when I was sleeping wanting to know if we could pay three to four hundred dollars at the time of the CT scan…Mom told them she was pretty sure we couldn’t but that we would try…When our visitor left mom told me that she had given us some money for the CT scan and that it was two hundred dollars! 
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Can you believe it? I am thankful and a bit lost on how to show gratitude for such a generous gift. So with that gift, what mom is helping with, plus what I have, we will have a little over 400 dollars to present to the hospital before being scanned…all that happened while I was asleep…I am so glad because I don’t have the time or energy to worry both about what is going on medically AND worry about things financially. 
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Mom also told me that the hospital wants to meet with me after the tests so that they can let me know about state insurance options and a program they have for people with no insurance. 
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I’ve had an unexpected peace about things since the appointment Wednesday and the behind the scenes financial workings God performed yesterday solidified that peace for me.
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At least I am pretty sure about one thing…that the tests today are not going to hurt…
 
 
The past couple of months I have been tired, achy and have had tender swollen glands/masses on my neck. Before today I had been to the doctor twice both times got blood work and took antibiotics, to no avail...
This morning found me in Dr. Moss’s office. He is an ear nose and throat doctor…
After examining me which included like a five min neck massage (which is really sore now) he said that he needed to do some kind of scope. He took the ‘tools’ above and sprayed some numbing stuff in my nose, and then left the room for 45 minutes (It is a good thing that my phone has bookworm on it to pass the time.)

The nurse came in right after he left the room and brought in the scope (pictured below).
Seriously who wants to be ALONE in an exam room with this THING for 45 minutes! I had no idea that the route to my throat was through my nose…needless to say it was good times…but I survived because I’m awesome like that.

After being ‘scoped’ Dr. Moss said that he would like to get a biopsy and a CT scan. I called mom to come to the office, because the word biopsy sounded scary. Dr. Moss took three biopsies (is that a word?), the results will be in a few days (up to a week). Though I don’t have insurance I am going to go ahead and get the CT scan because 1,100 dollars in the scheme of my life is probably worth it, AND because, it is getting increasingly hard to swallow which has had some scary moments.

He said that these biopsies will just give and idea of what is going on and that there may be a need for more invasive ways of biopsy once the results are in, those ‘other ways’ did not sound pleasant.

The word lymphoma was said twice and he didn’t really give another explanation of what it could be. He dictated his notes into a recorder while still in the room with us, and he said a lot of medically technical mumbo jumbo but the jist of it was that I have a large mass on the entire left side and part of the right side of my neck, that it is hard, that I have a deviated septum (which i don’t think has anything to do with anything, but I didn’t know before today) and what his recommendations were.

I am so glad that action has been taken. The last two months in the development of this mass on my neck has been draining, both physically and emotionally. And as much as I DESPERATLEY want to know what is going on… I’m scared.

I was looking forward to the mail when I got home because being on Swap-Bot, my mail is often times fun to open and today was a day I needed some FUN mail. Driving home I was admittedly distracted (though not unsafe).

As I pulled up to the house a bird flew close in front of the car, and I thought Matthew 6:26.

Then when I opened the car door I heard the birds singing, and I thought Matthew 6:26.

Then I got the mail and opened it up to find a RAK (random act of kindness) from a friend on Swap-Bot…below is a picture of what she sent me, and I thought…
Matthew 6:26
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (NIV)

26 Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description,careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds. (The Message)

The last year or so this verse has meant a lot to me. Look at the birds…has become my life cry. Today that was cemented , opening the mail and finding the birds was almost too much for me.

I’ve been wanting to blog more and I think this new adventure in life calls for blogging. It will be a good way to work though what I’m feeling.

Carelessly,

April