so I feel pretty good…emotionally, that is…the best I’ve felt in weeks…I’m actually feeling a bit goofy and that is fun (I wish I had the energy to go out and have a fun day)…and I think it is because I got all that I was feeling out…what I posted yesterday was exactly what I was feeling, and it felt so good getting it out…

no harsh words…no condemnation…no anger…just truth…even truth that might not make me look good…like tearing a card up…

I also think that with the truth comes clarity of mind…in just the day since I’ve written how I felt…I’ve found hope in things around me…a radio show on the way to work…a book I got in the mail to review (coming soon)…lines in a tv show I might not have found so funny I laugh out…and it felt good to be tickled like that…ect…

I’ve always thought that being truthful in relationships is best…hiding how your feeling will NEVER solve anything…and lets all be honest…those things that we ‘let go, that we don’t bother with resolving’ are the FIRST things to pop into our heads the next time a conflict comes up with that same person…TheCOMPOUND INTEREST on those things we have ‘let go’ is can be astounding

you work on relationships that are important to you…you don’t let them die…’Love is a Verb’ is not just a DC Talk song you listened to in middle/high school…
(this song makes me smile…I LOVE this CD…so old school)

those relationships I’ve worked on…those that I have walked the hard road with…the ones with which I’ve been the most brutally honest…the ones I’ve chosen to be vulnerable in…the ones I’ve spent enough time with to make memories…the ones that I have taken the time to foster…those are the ones that I cherish…

and the fear I’ve felt about not wanting to confront those I’ve felt hurt by…that is from Satan himself…and I reject it…and I reject the discord, the hurt, the frustration, the second guessing, and the distrust (in myself, and others), that has come with it…I’ve heard an acronym for fear like this…

F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal 

I’m going to ponder on that for a little while…
JoyAnne said...So glad you are feeling better emotionally! Physically isn't far behind! Ok, I love to read and have to ask what book are you reviewing and how did you come about reviewing it?

 
 
Later today I will be taking an exciting field trip…an exciting field trip to the cancer center…this exciting field trip to the cancer center is the first time I’ll be out of the house in the last seven days…
 
This week has looked a lot like my Sunday looked…up for a couple of hours…NAP…watch a lifetime movie…NAP…eat lunch…LONG NAP…you would think with all of this NAPPING, I would feel rested at some point…YEP, NOT SO MUCH…This morning I did the most at one time that I’ve done all week…I took a shower, made biscuits in the oven, made scrambled eggs, and washed my sheets (mom helped me put them back on the bed because that would be too much)…then I crashed…but the food was SO good, I’ve not eaten regularly or very much this week and it all caught up with me on Saturday night, Sunday morning…I was starvin’ marvin’…

Here is the thing…I’m not sure if I am going to be able to physically make it to the hospital on my own tomorrow…there is no appointment time because it is just for blood work, so I can take my time getting ready and hopefully feel good enough to drive…I am anticipating them ordering a blood transfusion (but I am going to get that early Tuesday morning after work IF I need one)…cause, oh yeah, this is the start to a work week…or a week where I will show up to work and do what little I can…

My mom…
worked so hard this weekend cleaning the house, grocery shopping, doing hers and my laundry, doing stuff out side the house, cleaning up dog poop, cooking a nice Sunday dinner, filling out applications for Christopher to turn in, doing dishes, baking cookies and brownies, being a greeter at church, doing more dishes ect…you get the idea, she was busy all weekend…I feel bad about that, all I can do is say Thank You when she does something for me I am unable to do for myself right now…and it just doesn’t seem enough…
she has a lot going on right now…more than just my sickness…if I was her I would be overwhelmed…maybe she is dealing with it by being so busy…all I know is that she is doing the absolute best she can and I just hope she has someone she can talk to…her girls group is going out to dinner on her birthday (Thursday) and I hope it will be a great time for her to get away and laugh!

I think support is SO important…unfortunately it is sorely lacking…at least in my world…support is almost non-existent…and I can’t figure out why…what is wrong with me that no one would care I’ve been laid up for a week…what have I done to break a bond or burn a bridge…cause I got nothing…and I’m serious…I want to know what is wrong with me…something has to be…there is NO other explanation…

I’m hurt, that no one has even thought to ask if I’d like them to come hang out with me while I’m stuck here at home…I’m hurt, that no one ever OFFERED to go to chemo with me…I’m hurt, that those who live farther away have been missing in my life for the last four or so months and I don’t know why,….I’m hurt, that my life has become ROARINGLY loud with the silence of those I thought cared about me…I’m hurt, that someone offered to set up selling some of the amazing ribbons Robin made but never followed through…I’m hurt, that my friend sent me a card that simply said ‘Just thinking of you on labor day’ and signed their name (in the interest of super full disclosure, I opened the card read it and tore it in half, what the crap! thanks for thinking of me…glad you could fit me in your life)…I’m hurt, that my phone hasn’t rang in months from anyone asking how I am (save the one friend I am confident in)…I’m hurt, that my friends if they read my blog don’t comment (if my friends had blogs I would totally comment on what they had to say)…I’m hurt, that I’m not worth the effort…

I’m really the perfect excuse to take a nap, just come over hang out with me and we can nap together…something, anything, would be better than the freeze out I am experiencing…if I didn’t live with mom, I would have had NO contact with ANYONE the last two weeks…it is hard to not take offense to that…it is also hard to watch tv and see how much people do for others and care for others when they are down and I have close to no support…

What has all this hurt resulted in? that is a good questions…it has resulted in my being silent…walls have been built…bitterness has begun to build…and darn it I think I’m a great person to be around and am really confused about why I am not supported more…Maybe people think things of me that aren’t true…maybe people think I am high maintenance…I girl scout promise I am not…I have been thinking about how I feel for the past couple of weeks…I’ve been trying to search within myself and make sure I am legitimate in my feelings…that I am not over blowing something…I am confident that the evidence/lack of evidence in my life of support SHOWS this is not an over reaction to any one thing…

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how to handle how I feel on an individual basis…do I let the people know why I am hurt…or will that just make it worse…because if I let them know then I can try and tear that particular wall down and try to be more open…if I let them know then maybe understanding could come…but what if I’m really nothing to them and it is just better to let things go…I think a few people might have a view of me, or the old me, or the younger me, that is expired, and haven’t taken the time to get to know me…I haven’t had a REAL conversation in MONTHS and I’m starving for one…

Until you have to go to appointments by yourself….until you have to go to long days of chemo treatments by yourself…and have to see how supported and loved all the other people there are who have people to come and support them…you can have no idea how I feel…it is not feasible to ask mom to come to every appointment…she needs to work…and I refuse to take up anymore of her vacation time…and I don’t feel like it should be all her responsibility to support me especially emotionally…she is my mom, she loves me, she takes care of me…but she is not the emotional support I need and nor should she be…I’m her daughter but we are two completely different people…and she could never really give me what I need emotionally…

here is a post from my friend robin’s blog…she has been laid up in bed the past three weeks from a surgery she had…what she wrote made me cry…made me envious…just the little we have talked she is a pretty amazing person and deserves all the love she is getting…maybe I’m just not amazing enough…and unfortunately the past year and a half…I’ve been getting sick, sick, or getting treated for getting sick so I haven’t had the energy to be amazing…although I try my hardest…

all day today I have had this song stuck in my head…
to the point of annoyance…I’d fall asleep and there is the song…I’d wake up and there is the song…I’d take a breath and my mind would take a break for a second and there is the song…I got up at 5:30 this morning because my sleep schedule is messed up (no surprise) and when I was laying there I felt God in the room…and I prayed just a little…and I heard him say…”Let me Love you”…well God, right now I don’t know how but don’t give up on me o.k.? because my intentions are pure…
Robin said...Hi April,

I know things are rough right now, but please know that I think about you every single day. I keep you close in my prayers and so want everything to be okay for you. I often wish that I could split myself into several pieces and send a part of me to different places. If I could do that, I'd so be there with you, even if it's to make some popcorn and watch a movie with you or to help you with your laundry or to take the doggie outside for a walk. 

I feel helpless because I can't do much from 1500 miles away unless it's to send a note or a card. Just please, please, please know that I'm here for you... whenever and whatever you need. Lean on me... I'm here. K?

Love you.

JoyAnne said...I'm sorry April, I've been focused on my own problems lately. I pray for you and am always happy to see a new post on your blog. Even though I don't always comment I am keeping up with what's going on in your life. I do care!
God bless your mom, she is such a good woman. 
If I lived closer I would help out and give her a break.

Amy said...April,

I started a prayer journal this past weekend and wrote out a prayer for you that I pray every morning. Also, I want you to know that we really missed you in Sunday school this past week and prayed for you. I am so sorry that you are discouraged. I would love to come sit with you sometime and keep you company. Maybe sometime this weekend? It would be fun to get to know you better and see your cool room in person. I'm sorry that I haven't been available to you, but I would love to start!

Love, Amy

Share said...Awwww, April. Please know that I think about you often! I am sorry that you feel like you are going through all of this alone. I would definatlely go with you to your appointments & stuff if I were there! My little MayBelle would cheer you up with her giant smile!

Anonymous said...I validate your courage in putting this out there. I love you, my friend, and know that your niece is praying for God to "heal Auntie April of her flu". Not sure why she decided you had the flu. : ) Anyway, without prompting, she prays for you regularly. I was getting Cole ready for bed when you called the other night, so I'll give you a call today.
 
 
you my head lately? When I got my chemo on Monday it had been a little over a month since my last treatment…I asked the nurse if I would lose my hair again, and she said probably…in a week or two what little hair I have will start to fall out again…I have thought about just going ahead and shaving my head…but I think I will wait to see IF it does fall out…because if it doesn’t, I don’t want to lose the hair that has already grown back…

These pictures are less than stellar (they are from my webcam)…and I apologize for that…

Here is the top of my head…
a few weeks ago it felt SUPER soft like a baby chick…now it feels like what I think an ostrich’s hair would feel like…and I don’t know why…I’ve never played with an ostrich’s hair before…it is a bit addicting to rub…

Here is my showing you the side of my head…
it is hard to figure out where to look when taking your picture with a webcam so my eyes look funny in this picture…

This is my smiling at the last picture…
AND…showing off my scars…I don’t know if I have ever showed you the lovely scars (YES PLURAL) from my port surgery…the doctor first tired to put it in the shorter scar but decided it was not going to work…so he had to make another incision to place the port at its current location…I’m not so okay with one scar much less two…and that the first one was for nothing is a bit frustrating…it shows on a lot of my shirts…but there is nothing I can do to change that…

I have barley made it out of bed this week…I’ve either been in bed…sleeping, or watching shows on the internet (GOD bless the internet for that fact alone…I was able to find all the back seasons of Friday Night Lights for free on-line and was SO excited!)…or in the living room laying/sitting on the couch…

Every time I think I have found the depths of exhaustion I find another level deeper…I took a shower today and could barely breath when I was done…I’m SUPER achy and my chest is heavy when I try to do too much…like go to the kitchen for a cup of water, or put a load of clothes in the washer…which shouldn’t be hard because it is in the NEXT room over from mine…I am not going to attempt to move the clothes to the dryer…good thing I’ve got mom for that…

I just ate a snickers and it tasted different…NOT as satisfying…DARN chemo, HOW DARE it take the great taste of chocolate from me!

That is all for now…
Anonymous said...i do NOT validate cancer making a snickers taste bad. That is simply of the devil! Rebuke!!
Jeri Ann

 
 
I got my 7th chemotherapy yesterday…my liver enzymes 
(specifically my bilirubin) were finally back to normal…they want me to come back in for blood work next Monday to determine if I need ANOTHER blood transfusion…my red-blood cells are still not cooperating…

I’ve never taken the time to look up exactly what all of the initials in the blood test results mean…so last night I googled all of them and most of the definitions I found come from Wikipedia…I am sharing the technical information so that I have a place where it is written down (and it is a lot easier to cut and paste)…and maybe some of you will understand it…so the following is an overview of things in my blood work that is abnormal, and selected parts of their definitions…after that I will talk a little more in non medical terms about what I understand to be happening…so you might want to just skip down (wink, wink)

RBC is low 2.87 normal is 3.50-5.50

A red blood cell, (the cells that Give blood its distinctive red colour). A red blood cell's (erythrocyte) function is to carry haemoglobin around the body. Haemoglobin carries oxygen which is required for cellular respiration

HBC is low 8.4 normal is 11.0-16.0

Hemoglobin (also spelled haemoglobin and abbreviated Hb or Hgb) is the iron-containing oxygen-transport metalloprotein in the red blood cells ofvertebrates[1] and the tissues of some invertebrates. Hemoglobin in the bloodis what transports oxygen from the lungs or gills to the rest of the body (i.e. the tissues) where it releases the oxygen for cell use.

Hemoglobin deficiency can be caused either by decreased amount of hemoglobin molecules, as in anemia, or by decreased ability of each molecule to bind oxygen at the same partial pressure of oxygen. Hemoglobinopathies(genetic defects resulting in abnormal structure of the hemoglobin molecule)[40]may cause both. In any case, hemoglobin deficiency decreases blood oxygen-carrying capacity. Hemoglobin deficiency is, in general, strictly distinguished from hypoxemia, defined as decreased partial pressure of oxygen in blood,[41][42][43][44] although both are causes of hypoxia (insufficient oxygen supply to tissues).

Other common causes of low hemoglobin include loss of blood, nutritional deficiency, bone marrow problems, chemotherapy, kidney failure, or abnormal hemoglobin (such as that of sickle-cell disease).

HCT is low 26.8 normal is 32.0-48.0

The hematocrit (Ht or HCT) or packed cell volume (PCV) or erythrocyte volume fraction (EVF) is the proportion of blood volume that is occupied by red blood cells. It is normally about 48% for men and 38% for women.[1] It is considered an integral part of a person's complete blood count results, along with hemoglobin concentration, white blood cell count, and platelet count.

Lowered hematocrit can imply significant hemorrhage.

The mean corpuscular volume (MCV) and the red cell distribution width (RDW) can be quite helpful in evaluating a lower-than-normal hematocrit, because it can help the clinician determine whether blood loss is chronic or acute. The MCV is the size of the red cells and the RDW is a relative measure of the variation in size of the red cell population. A low hematocrit with a low MCV with a high RDW suggests a chronic iron-deficient erythropoiesis, but a normal RDW suggests a blood loss that is more acute, such as a hemorrhage.

Groups of individuals at risk for developing anemia include:

  • infants without adequate iron intake
  • children going through a rapid growth spurt, during which the iron available cannot keep up with the demands for a growing red cell mass
  • women in childbearing years with an excessive need for iron because of blood loss during menstruation
  • pregnant women, in whom the growing fetus creates a high demand for iron
  • patients with chronic kidney disease, as their kidneys no longer secrete sufficient levels of the hormone erythropoietin, which stimulates red blood cell production by the bone marrow.

RDW is high 71.7 normal is 33.8-50.8


If the RDW level is increased and the MCV level is normal. This can be caused by the beginning stages of a decrease in vitamin B12 or folic acid (a type of vitamin) in the body. It can also be caused by the beginning stages of iron deficiency anemia.

Lymphocytes are low 13.3 normal is 17.0-40.0

A lymphocyte is a type of white blood cell in the vertebrate immune system.[1]

T cells (Thymus cells) and B cells (bone cells) are the major cellular components of the adaptive immune response. T cells are involved in cell-mediated immunitywhereas B cells are primarily responsible for humoral immunity (relating toantibodies). The function of T cells and B cells is to recognize specific “non-self” antigens, during a process known as antigen presentation. Once they have identified an invader, the cells generate specific responses that are tailored to maximally eliminate specific pathogens or pathogen infected cells. B cells respond to pathogens by producing large quantities of antibodies which then neutralize foreign objects like bacteria and viruses

Mammalian stem cells differentiate into several kinds of blood cell within thebone marrow.[3] This process is called haematopoiesis. All lymphocytes originate, during this process, from a common lymphoid progenitor before differentiating into their distinct lymphocyte types. The differentiation of lymphocytes follows various pathways in a hierarchical fashion as well as in a more plastic fashion. The formation of lymphocytes is known as lymphopoiesis. B cells mature into B lymphocytes in the bone marrow[4], while T cells migrate to and mature in a distinct organ, called the thymus. Following maturation, the lymphocytes enter the circulation and peripheral lymphoid organs (e.g. thespleen and lymph nodes) where they survey for invading pathogens and/or tumor cells.

Monocytes are high 11.7 normal is 0.0-10.0

Monocyte is a type of white blood cell, part of the human body's immune system. Monocytes have several roles in the immune system and this includes: (1) replenish resident macrophages and dendritic cells under normal states, and (2) in response to inflammation signals, monocytes can move quickly (approx. 8-12 hours) to sites of infection in the tissues and divide/differentiate into macrophages and dendritic cells to elicit an immune response. Half of them are stored in the spleen.[1]

Monocytosis is the state of excess monocytes in the peripheral blood. It may be indicative of various disease states. Examples of processes that can increase a monocyte count include:

A high count of CD14+CD16+ monocytes is found in severe infection (sepsis)[4]and a very low count of these cells is found after therapy with immuno-suppressive glucocorticoids[5]

LDH is high 443 normal is 100-190

Lactate dehydrogenase (LDH or LD) is an enzyme (EC 1.1.1.27) present in a wide variety of organisms, including plants and animals.

Tissue breakdown elevates levels of LDH, and therefore a measure of it indicates, e.g., hemolysis (blood loss/anemia). Other disorders indicated by elevated LDH include cancer, meningitis, encephalitis, acute pancreatitis, and HIV.

Albumin is low 3.4 normal is 3.5-5.0

Albumin is the main protein of plasma

Low albumin (hypoalbuminemia) may be caused by liver diseasenephrotic syndrome, burns, protein-losing enteropathymalabsorptionmalnutrition, late pregnancy, artefact, genetic variations and malignancy.

So the long and short of it is that a lot of the things point to anemia which is a result of the chemotherapy and what has resulted in my getting two blood transfusions so far with a third possibly next week…normal HGB is around 11…10 is acceptable…I was at 9.1 last week after a blood transfusion…and I am now back down to 8.4 which is why I am perpetually tired…

The other bigger thing that is worrying me is that my LDH is SO much higher than it should be…like TWICE as high…yesterday the nurse explained to me that a high number for your LDH is an indication of the disease…that is scary…just over a month ago I thought this whole process is winding down and then they find the “activity” in my spleen…then they order two more chemotherapies…and then I am having all kinds of low red blood cell counts (which I didn’t have the first part of my treatment)…

What if something is coming back? a few of the above results talked about how they reside in the spleen…so I don’t know what that means as far as the cancer and the chance of it spreading…all I know is that I’m a little discouraged…and tired of being TIRED! Last night I slept from 8 to 5 and went back to bed at 7 am and slept until 1 (getting up  just cause the dog needed to go out) I forced myself to clean my fan, do the dishes,  and cooked supper (which was good, and about all I could handle) now it is 9 and I am ready for bed Fred…I’m hoping to feel good enough to take the dog for a romp in the cemetery tomorrow (I love that I found a place that is quiet ,empty most of the time where I can let her run around a bit..I think she really likes the freedom)…
Tally Heilke said...Wow, heavy stuff. My mom was battling Hepatitis C a few years ago and had to learn a bunch of technical stuff like this (as well has how to give herself shots - ick). Not to be glib, but a couple of those acronyms sound like banks to me. RBC, for example - where I live we have a Royal Bank of Canada that's called the RBC for short. Odd that such an unrelated thing sprung to my mind when reading about bloodwork. I hope you beat this thing and make a full recovery. Best wishes,

~TallysTreasury from swap-bot

ElizabethMD Jewelery said...I can't imagine how you must feel looking up all of those results. As a perm. resident of hospitals (because of sickness and the fact my father was a medical laboratory technologist). I knew alot and want to let you know that depending where you are in your treatments thats pretty avg. I have had sooo many ppl in my life go through chemo and radiation, and other crap. If you need an ear I'm hear to listen.

Sincerely,

ElizabethMD from swapbot

Anonymous said...yikes, my friend. i would kick cancer's butt for ya if i could...but since i can't, i offer a large BOO HISS!
love you!

 
 
Another morning spent waiting in the cancer center…I’ve been slow in writing this post so FYI this is about Friday…

Blood work, a doctors appointment, and chemo was on the schedule…blood work, and the doctors appointment was accomplished…

I finally got to see my REGULAR doctor (he was on vacation for a month) I missed him A LOT…he instills a lot more confidence than the other two doctors I saw while he was gone…I’m also not sure he would have done the same things they did…Dr. M also never makes me feel rushed…I feel like he would talk to me for an hour about things if that is what I needed and I REALLY appreciate that…

He said that my liver enzymes were still too high and recommended postponing chemotherapy until Monday…I was a little disappointed…I mean I had already made arrangements for people to work for me this weekend…but I am thankful that my paycheck will reflect 6 days of work instead of 4…I decided to go ahead with taking Friday off because I’ve had a few late mornings with appointments and been tired and overwhelmed…it is hard keeping all these appointments and still being able to work full time…I’ve done it, will continue to, and will survive…but it can be exhausting especially when my body isn’t cooperating…

One thing did get accomplished…WE GOT BLOOD FROM MY PORT…after over a month of not being able to get a blood return, they let some liquid sit in it for 30 min and when it was done, it worked…what a relief…it was stressful every time I went to get blood work it and it would end in my having to get stuck in the hand/arm…

Today’s (Saturday) mail brought a great surprise…a 50 dollar rebate check from a pathologist’s office…what a blessing…it covers half of what I would have made if I would have worked Friday night…LOVE good mail!
Kimberly said...I love getting rebate checks in the mail! Keep up your chin. You're doing great!

Jam said...OHHH. money in any form is great when its going in your pocket instead of out. 

I know we dont know each other but I will keep you in my prayers. 

Think positve and never give up.

lageodesign said...Hey there,

Hang in there, you're doing great! Things will get better if you believe in it...

I think you are very brave just posting your experiences on the internet...

Mad About Pink said...hello, I'm madaboutpink from sb. 
I really wish you all the best with your health.
I'm sure that the main thing is to be positive and all will be better.
thanks for sharing your exaperience, it will help others to cope.

Loles said...Hi! I'm solsuny from Swap-bot 
I wish all the best with your health, I'll visiting your blog often, I really like it!!
My best wishes for you!!
 
 
Hey!

I am just hanging out at McDonald's (with a big group of old men) killing some time before my MUGA heart scan at 9…I’m hoping to be home by 10 (since I am the first appointment of the day) and in bed by 11…I did not sleep well yesterday…

I’ve already been to the cancer center to get some blood work done, and will be interested in what my red blood cell count is this week…

Friday I get my 7th chemo treatment…this is a week I work so it is going to be a LONG day…no one wants to hang out at the hospital for 8 hours after having worked all night…it is hard to sleep sitting in the chairs no matter how comfortable they are and no matter how tired you are…

This little box of apple juice just doesn’t have enough in it…I might have to grab another one on the way outta here back to the hospital…

What do having a tight jaw and a to do list tell you about me? I’m stressed…my stress usually comes out in the form of my trying to have control over something…so I make lists…LONG ago stress effected me physically, I would get stomach aches…now I just want to clean and get things accomplished…between getting blood work and McDonalds I vacuumed my car and I am getting ready to head to the post office before my scan…

My brother got fired from his job last week…he did some stupid prank and got caught…Yesterday morning when I got home from work at 7:30 am he was sitting in the in the living room playing on the computer and I got so mad…the mornings after I get off work before I go to bed are MY time to be alone and unwind…and why the heck is he up so early in the morning? I’m upset (no, I’m not upset, I’m angry) with him for getting fired so most anything he does is going to irritate me for a while…We can’t afford for him to not be working…it is not fair to mom…and I don’t see him getting a job anytime soon (there isn’t much out there)…it just came on a bad week, when I find out I have to get two more chemos which means a week less of work for me (spread over the next couple of months)…

All I know is he better start helping more around the house if he is not going to be working…and he should do it without being asked (which he won’t)…I’m not delusional…

Whining over…maybe getting it out will get me to acceptance faster…My brother is the ONLY one that can make me THIS angry…It must have something to do with blood…why do you think it is?

O.K. off to the post office and back to the hospital now…
Mimi Torchia Boothby Watercolors said...For such a young person, you sure have a heavy burden. Good luck to you. I'm mimitabby from swapbot. take care

Samantha said...I admire you greatly. You are such a strong young lady and your faith makes it so. Sending prayers your way!

Samantha (Flutterflies22-Swapbot)

 
 
Yesterday I got some unexpected news…

Wednesday: I went to the cancer center to get blood work and my port accessed for my CT scan that afternoon and for an hour we had to work on getting blood from the port…it just was not cooperating, no matter how I laid, stood, or moved my arm…after my CT scan I went back up to the cancer center to get my blood work results…which showed that my red blood cell count was low and the doctor recommended getting a blood transfusion…so Wednesday night at 7:30 I started the transfusion and hung out at the hospital until 2:00 in the morning…

Thursday: I had a doctors appointment at 2 p.m. I came at 1:45 and was told that the CT scan from the day before did not go high enough so it had to be redone…JOY…once that was over I waited for the doctor and was not prepared to hear what he had to say…apparently the PET scan I had last week showed “activity” in my spleen…which means two more chemotherapy treatments…followed by the radiation that WAS scheduled to start next week (it will have to wait until around a month after the 8th chemo, I’ll have my 7th on Sept 10th and 8th on October 1st)…

I felt a bit ambushed…

I wasn’t prepared to hear that…just as I’m not prepared to have to be out the income from the days of work I will miss from the chemo side effects (it adds up to almost a full check for two treatments…I’ve been doing this for the last five months and it is getting old)…I, just two weeks ago, made a budget in anticipation of FINALLY being able to now work full time…FRUSTRATING!

I’m not prepared to be bald longer…I’m not prepared to be sick (with side effects) for two months longer than anticipated…and I’m not prepared to have my life controlled by appointments and treatments for this much longer…

Radiation is a super precise process…during my mapping CT scan I was marked on with a sharpie and stickers were put on me so that when I went to get the actual radiation they could line me up and only treat the sections deemed necessary by the radiation oncologist…since radiation will not start for a few months they suggested that I get tattooed where the marks are so that the CT scan doesn’t have to be done again…this isn’t just tattooed in the sense of a permanent marker that will eventually wash off, it is tattooed like permanent dots (one just under each armpit, and one on my chest)…now, mind you it is a very small mark…but when asked right AFTER being told you have to get more chemo than anticipated is a bit overwhelming…I’m not sure I want permanent reminders of this time…no matter how small…

The past two weeks Satan has really been using the silence in my life to mess with me, and how I feel about my life…so if you think of me or drive past my house or where I work in the name of Jesus ban him from my life…
Transparent Mama said...Oh April. I had no idea. I have been away from the blogging world. Hugs to you girl and a big, fat prayer going up for you smacking the enemy right down.

JoyAnne said...Oh no, terrible news. I just keep thinking something good will come out of this.

4smartmonkeys said...Oh Sweetie, what a bummer. I know you'll pull through this with flying colors. Hugs!

 
 
Right now I am in the Hospital getting a blood transfusion…

I got here around 8 p.m. and will be here until around 1 a.m. The option to come in in the evening is much more appealing to me than getting up at 6 a.m…I am SO not a morning person!

I went in today for my CT scan and got blood work done because I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow afternoon…When the CT scan was over and my blood work results in, it was quickly decided that I needed to get this transfusion…

My red blood cell count is the lowest it has ever been…which makes A LOT of sense because the past week and a half has been one of around three times I’ve felt this EXHAUSTED…the nurses notices how easy it was to for me to get out of breath without walking very far…and tonight I had to be taken to the observation unit (where I get the blood) in a wheel chair because the walk from the car to the registration desk was TOO much…

I sure hope this helps for longer than two weeks…I feel like the last transfusion, I did not get much time where I felt better before getting run down again…

From the way the radiology tech talked I will start my radiation next week…I got all marked and stickered up today in preparation…
JoyAnne said...I'm sorry you are having to get another transfusion, wish you could rest for about 2 weeks before going back to work. You're in my prayers!

Anonymous said...BOO HISS! AGAIN I SAY BOO HISS! That picture is gross, by the way.