Thursday night at work I was determined to shut off Netflix, and spend the last hour reading the Sermon on the Mount and attempting to pray…
you see, I’ve been lost spiritually for a while…maybe stuck would be the more accurate descriptive…being lost would imply that I have been searching for something I can’t seem to find, or going the wrong way…
I still listen to 99% Christian music when I am in the car…I still have the morals and convictions that I have ago branded onto my heart…and I could still hear Jesus calling to me…in the morning when I would wake up, or right before something impatient or hurtful would fly out my mouth…I could still hear him when I was quick to judge and contemplating the consequences of being spiteful…
maybe the last year has hardened me a bit…never knowing what life changes a doctors appointment could bring, or how debilitating this chemo treatment will be, made it hard to feel safe…a lot of hurt physically and relationally happened…I am still recovering physically, I feel stronger, I have more endurance, and my hair is getting fuller by the day…relationally I am still really guarded, the hurts from this past year will heal as naturally as hair grow…and actually acknowledging those hurts will be the first step…forgiveness will be hard, and understanding will be even harder…but before I can even think about forgiveness, the first relationship that needs mending is the one with my Father…
I am reading a book right now about a man who leaves his pastorate in a large (mega church) to go on a pilgrimage of sorts…he goes to Italy to visit his uncle who is a Franciscan monk, and along the way discovers and rediscovers powerful truths…
“The word pilgrimage comes from the Latin word peregrinus, which means a person wandering the earth in exile, someone in search of a spiritual homeland.” –Kenny (the monk in the book Chasing Francis)
I am in need of pilgrimage…I even have a place in Portugal I can and hope to one day go…But, right now my journey has led me here, my story is being written and I can chose to either be a participant in that story or I can chose to read it later when there is no chance of revision…
I have (without really noticing) taken an extremely passive role in my life…letting it just happen to me…maybe I thought it was the safest…like a rolly polly bug that curls into it it’s shell having no idea it’s destination once the rolling has stopped…
Last night, I decided that my pilgrimage would begin with daily quiet time focusing on one section of the Sermon on the Mount daily…I found the two chapters (five and six) in the book of Matthew almost childlike in their simplicity…there are 18 ‘sections’ in my NIV bible…that is 18 chances to rediscover my first Love…
*
Come journey with me the next 18 days as I examine powerful truths…some will be harder to swallow than others…and there will be days when the message is so simple there won’t be much to add…but I think it could be exactly what the doctor has ordered for my life…what about yours?
Until Later…
P.S. I am more anxious about my doctors appointment Monday morning than I care to admit…I’m not sure I will be able to breathe normally until I hear from his lips that the CT scan was clean…
you see, I’ve been lost spiritually for a while…maybe stuck would be the more accurate descriptive…being lost would imply that I have been searching for something I can’t seem to find, or going the wrong way…
I still listen to 99% Christian music when I am in the car…I still have the morals and convictions that I have ago branded onto my heart…and I could still hear Jesus calling to me…in the morning when I would wake up, or right before something impatient or hurtful would fly out my mouth…I could still hear him when I was quick to judge and contemplating the consequences of being spiteful…
maybe the last year has hardened me a bit…never knowing what life changes a doctors appointment could bring, or how debilitating this chemo treatment will be, made it hard to feel safe…a lot of hurt physically and relationally happened…I am still recovering physically, I feel stronger, I have more endurance, and my hair is getting fuller by the day…relationally I am still really guarded, the hurts from this past year will heal as naturally as hair grow…and actually acknowledging those hurts will be the first step…forgiveness will be hard, and understanding will be even harder…but before I can even think about forgiveness, the first relationship that needs mending is the one with my Father…
I am reading a book right now about a man who leaves his pastorate in a large (mega church) to go on a pilgrimage of sorts…he goes to Italy to visit his uncle who is a Franciscan monk, and along the way discovers and rediscovers powerful truths…
“The word pilgrimage comes from the Latin word peregrinus, which means a person wandering the earth in exile, someone in search of a spiritual homeland.” –Kenny (the monk in the book Chasing Francis)
I am in need of pilgrimage…I even have a place in Portugal I can and hope to one day go…But, right now my journey has led me here, my story is being written and I can chose to either be a participant in that story or I can chose to read it later when there is no chance of revision…
I have (without really noticing) taken an extremely passive role in my life…letting it just happen to me…maybe I thought it was the safest…like a rolly polly bug that curls into it it’s shell having no idea it’s destination once the rolling has stopped…
Last night, I decided that my pilgrimage would begin with daily quiet time focusing on one section of the Sermon on the Mount daily…I found the two chapters (five and six) in the book of Matthew almost childlike in their simplicity…there are 18 ‘sections’ in my NIV bible…that is 18 chances to rediscover my first Love…
*
Come journey with me the next 18 days as I examine powerful truths…some will be harder to swallow than others…and there will be days when the message is so simple there won’t be much to add…but I think it could be exactly what the doctor has ordered for my life…what about yours?
Until Later…
P.S. I am more anxious about my doctors appointment Monday morning than I care to admit…I’m not sure I will be able to breathe normally until I hear from his lips that the CT scan was clean…
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