Tuesday I reflected on a time that I had a toxic person in my life, and yesterday I gave a definition of a toxic person and provided some questions for you to answer to see if there are any toxic people in your life...Today I want to give you some ways to protect yourself when dealing with the 'toxic' people of life...
So, what did you discover yesterday?
Were you able to identify any toxic people in your life?
How are they toxic to you? Do they tear you down emotionally? Do they wear you out? Are they impossible to talk with?
When you identified how the toxic people in your life made you felt, were you surprised at what you wrote down?
I am going to share with you from an article by: Eduard Ezeanu...
Were you able to identify any toxic people in your life?
How are they toxic to you? Do they tear you down emotionally? Do they wear you out? Are they impossible to talk with?
When you identified how the toxic people in your life made you felt, were you surprised at what you wrote down?
I am going to share with you from an article by: Eduard Ezeanu...
1. Avoid toxic people: I believe the best way to deal with toxic people is to not deal with them at all; to avoid them. In some cases it may not be an option, but more often than not, it is. This is why I encourage you to really think about the options you truly have with every toxic person in your life.
It is common to think you have to deal with someone, when you actually do not. It is also common to believe you can get a toxic person to change while interacting with them. My experience is that unless you are a professional, you will not get them to change and trying it simply is not worth it.
2. Anticipate toxic people: It is harder than usual to get out of relationships with a toxic person. Toxic people tend to have this ability to make you feel bad for avoiding them and to attach to you like a leech. This is why it’s important to be able to spot them quickly, and start avoiding them before the relationship truly develops.
The best way I know to do this is to come up with a list of clues which you believe might indicate a toxic person. Then, every time you meet a person and a significant number of these clues are there, distance yourself from that person.
3. Set firm boundaries: Toxic people will often use you, one way or another. The may complain to you all the time while you listen hopelessly (?), or they may constantly get you to get them out of trouble. This is where boundaries come in. Boundaries are reflections of what you are and are not willing to do.
Setting firm boundaries means not allowing toxic people to use you in any of these ways. It means refusing to listen to them complain, refusing to get them out of trouble. When you have firm boundaries, there is basically nothing bad any person can do to you.
4. Get over your guilt: Most toxic people are very skilled at making others feel guilty when they don’t do what they want. This makes it particularly hard to set and maintain firm boundaries with them. But, there is a way out of this dilemma: getting rid of your guilt. It is your own guilt which toxic people use to break down your boundaries.
When you can set and maintain boundaries with them without feeling guilty, the weapon they have against you is gone. Realize that your guilt is irrational, pointless, and it is used against you by toxic people. This is the best way to get over it.
5. Do not defend yourself: When you avoid toxic people and you set boundaries with them, they frequently resort to accusing you, complaining and playing the victim in an attempt to get you to change your behavior.
One of the worst things you can do when this happens is to defend yourself. It is usually a futile action and it only keeps an immature dialog going which eventually helps the toxic person get what they want. You won’t get anywhere with them by defending yourself and your actions.
Unfortunately, toxic people are everywhere. And they tend to attach themselves to those persons who are kind and have the most to offer.
As for helping toxic people change their ways, I encourage you to leave/pass this task to the professionals in this area.
I agree with the above 100%...however, I also believe that it can be incredibly difficult for people to learn how to set and enforce healthy boundaries...so next week our topic will be BOUNDARIES...one of my favorite self-care techniques...
Do you have a story about how you identified, and protected yourself from a toxic person in your life? Would love to hear your story, and maybe you can encourage someone else...
Carelessly,
April
Do you have a story about how you identified, and protected yourself from a toxic person in your life? Would love to hear your story, and maybe you can encourage someone else...
Carelessly,
April
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