The realization that anxiety was present when I felt out of control came in the second week of treatment...
I walked into the Meier Clinic with a bag full of security...a new journal, my favorite pens, and a scrapbook...The corner of the sectional sofa in the group room was my 'nest' and I felt READY to heal...everyday during the art therapy session I would manipulate the activity so that it fit perfectly in my 12 inch by 12 inch confines......this was my scrapbook...
 |  this photo from the hotel shows more of my control issues, see all the personal things I brought? it was like I was moving in for 6 months instead of 3 weeks. |
The first week, I fought letting goal of control...control felt so safe, even though it had brought me here...
Blessed with a counselor who saw through the strong wall built from many years of protecting myself I began to allow her words to penetrate...I began letting go of control...
The turning point occurred when my counselor challenged me to go ONE day fighting against all my instincts...she challenged me to sit in a different part of the group room, she asked me to not use my scrapbook for art therapy but rather experience the session without making it fit into my mold...she asked me to SIT in the uncomfortable...and guess what? I didn't die, I didn't have a humongous panic attack...I sat with the anxiety, practiced the breathing techniques I had been taught, and allowed my anxious heart to catch up with my more logical head...
This was the week that I learned;
Blessed with a counselor who saw through the strong wall built from many years of protecting myself I began to allow her words to penetrate...I began letting go of control...
The turning point occurred when my counselor challenged me to go ONE day fighting against all my instincts...she challenged me to sit in a different part of the group room, she asked me to not use my scrapbook for art therapy but rather experience the session without making it fit into my mold...she asked me to SIT in the uncomfortable...and guess what? I didn't die, I didn't have a humongous panic attack...I sat with the anxiety, practiced the breathing techniques I had been taught, and allowed my anxious heart to catch up with my more logical head...
This was the week that I learned;
"I can do anything for 15 minutes...and anything can be chopped into 15 minute segments."
This lesson has served me well past five years and has helped me get through tough decisions, moving, anxiety, cancer treatment, laying with my breasts exposed and my arms over my head to be marked for radiation, or biting my tongue and letting myself calm down before saying something I might later regret...
If you are ready to let go of some control...come back tomorrow where we will contemplate what you might need to let go control of, and Saturday we will look at what it will take to be set free...
Are you with me? What questions do you have?
Carelessly,
April
If you are ready to let go of some control...come back tomorrow where we will contemplate what you might need to let go control of, and Saturday we will look at what it will take to be set free...
Are you with me? What questions do you have?
Carelessly,
April
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