Knowing when to medicate your mental health problems can be; unclear, dependent on the situation, polarizing, and scary…
I was in high school when I first went to the doctor to talk about getting something to help with my depression and anxiety… He prescribed me something whose name I can now not remember…What I do remember is that I hated the way it made me feel…or more accurately how it made me NOT feel…I ached for the depression and anxiety to be less intense, but I did not desire that my feelings entirely go away…I felt numb, no joy, no happiness, no extreme sadness, no overwhelming anxiety, nothing...and that was almost more alarming than the lows of depression...
so, I stopped taking that pretty quickly...I was discouraged, and disappointed...I told myself that I tried and I guess there wasn't anything I could do about my 'dysfunction'... I was just going to have to learn how to live like this...Mind you, I was in high school, I didn't have a clue how many different medications there were available to try...I did not understand my brain chemistry and what that had to do with how I was feeling...
Fast Forward to after college 2004...my mental health continued to be a concern at school but I dealt with it the best I could...shortly after graduating I got a job at a call center for a large health-care insurance company...a year and a half of being yelled at by members who simply didn't understand their health insurance coverage, and having to correct claims that were processed incorrectly I had what I would consider to be my first break-down...for the sake of me, I had to quit that job...I still thought, that I had already tried medication so there was nothing I could do...I had no hope...
Shortly after getting my next job I went to the doctor and we talked about what had been going on...I think I slipped the depression and anxiety into an appointment for a severe sinus infection...After drawing a picture of my brain and explaining the disconnect...
so, I stopped taking that pretty quickly...I was discouraged, and disappointed...I told myself that I tried and I guess there wasn't anything I could do about my 'dysfunction'... I was just going to have to learn how to live like this...Mind you, I was in high school, I didn't have a clue how many different medications there were available to try...I did not understand my brain chemistry and what that had to do with how I was feeling...
Fast Forward to after college 2004...my mental health continued to be a concern at school but I dealt with it the best I could...shortly after graduating I got a job at a call center for a large health-care insurance company...a year and a half of being yelled at by members who simply didn't understand their health insurance coverage, and having to correct claims that were processed incorrectly I had what I would consider to be my first break-down...for the sake of me, I had to quit that job...I still thought, that I had already tried medication so there was nothing I could do...I had no hope...
Shortly after getting my next job I went to the doctor and we talked about what had been going on...I think I slipped the depression and anxiety into an appointment for a severe sinus infection...After drawing a picture of my brain and explaining the disconnect...
he prescribed Effexor to take the edge off of the anxiety...the learning curve for Effexor was HUGE...I was awake for three days straight, and felt worse than ever...my doctor encouraged me to wait it out, that my body would adjust...I am so glad I listened to him...my body did adjust, and I noticed a huge decrease in my anxiety levels...
This of course, did not solve my depression, nor all of my anxiety. This allowed me to keep my head above water while I tried going to counseling (topic for another week) prayed, and hoping that there really was more to life than my current situation...
Fast forward again to 2008 when I voluntarily went to intensive outpatient treatment...There, the first thing every day you met with the psychologist who went over how you were feeling, what might be different from the day before, and what medication options were available...The first day, after explaining my sleep patterns, the doctor prescribed Ambien...my only knowledge of Ambien was that sometimes people would eat and drive while asleep when taking it...Trusting the doctor and being ALL IN in regards to my treatment I began taking Ambien and Wellbutrin in conjunction with an increased dose of Effexor...
I had NO IDEA that I had not been sleeping...after a few days of taking Ambien I felt better than I had in years...THIS is what people who slept through the night felt...rested, alert, better able to face the day...
Looking back, I hadn't had a real nights sleep in YEARS...my mind was incapable of turning off...no matter how tired I was sleep was elusive and sporadic...songs would be stuck on repeat in my head for DAYS, I would replay conversations in my head and analyze what I could have said better, I would have to clean that one thing before I felt calm enough to go to sleep...
The truth is when we don't get enough sleep everything becomes magnified...a disappointment became a disaster...you don't regulate your feelings well...think about new mothers, people who work nights, or someone who has to take care of a sick family member...this was the same thing...
Since treatment I have been on the same medications Wellbutrin, Effexor, and Ambien...if I am having an exceptionally stressful day I have my doctor's permission to take an extra 1/2 dose of Effexor...these medications have not only been a blessing but, are and will continue to be, a necessity...
This my story...everyone's story is different...I will talk more about that tomorrow...
Carelessly,
April
This of course, did not solve my depression, nor all of my anxiety. This allowed me to keep my head above water while I tried going to counseling (topic for another week) prayed, and hoping that there really was more to life than my current situation...
Fast forward again to 2008 when I voluntarily went to intensive outpatient treatment...There, the first thing every day you met with the psychologist who went over how you were feeling, what might be different from the day before, and what medication options were available...The first day, after explaining my sleep patterns, the doctor prescribed Ambien...my only knowledge of Ambien was that sometimes people would eat and drive while asleep when taking it...Trusting the doctor and being ALL IN in regards to my treatment I began taking Ambien and Wellbutrin in conjunction with an increased dose of Effexor...
I had NO IDEA that I had not been sleeping...after a few days of taking Ambien I felt better than I had in years...THIS is what people who slept through the night felt...rested, alert, better able to face the day...
Looking back, I hadn't had a real nights sleep in YEARS...my mind was incapable of turning off...no matter how tired I was sleep was elusive and sporadic...songs would be stuck on repeat in my head for DAYS, I would replay conversations in my head and analyze what I could have said better, I would have to clean that one thing before I felt calm enough to go to sleep...
The truth is when we don't get enough sleep everything becomes magnified...a disappointment became a disaster...you don't regulate your feelings well...think about new mothers, people who work nights, or someone who has to take care of a sick family member...this was the same thing...
Since treatment I have been on the same medications Wellbutrin, Effexor, and Ambien...if I am having an exceptionally stressful day I have my doctor's permission to take an extra 1/2 dose of Effexor...these medications have not only been a blessing but, are and will continue to be, a necessity...
This my story...everyone's story is different...I will talk more about that tomorrow...
Carelessly,
April
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